Dare to love Dare to hate

Short Jokes

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.

The student: I walk. You walk ....

The teacher interrupted him: Quicker please.

The student: I run. You run ...

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?

God said to man --- So that you will love them.

Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?

God said to man --- So that they will love you.

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

The man: "God, may I have a penny?"

God: "Wait a minute."

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?

B: Still no idea.

Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?

A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)

Short Jokes

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.

B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

A: Why are you crying?

B: The elephant is dead.

A: Was he your pet?

B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"

TEACHER:" Of course not."

PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and

long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do

you understand me?

Son: No.

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.

Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have

the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Bejeweled

Children joke

Unlike Cow

Mom: It does really eat whose milk become like whom. See? ZHI is really like his nanny.

ZHI reply quickly: Really? Younger brother look like daddy, he must have eaten dad’s milk.

Mom: No! Your young brother eats milk (cow’s milk)!

ZHI: But he’s not really like Cow!!!

并不像牛

母亲道:“真是吃谁的奶就像谁,你看智儿,真像他的奶妈。”

智儿忙说,“真的吗?弟弟很像爹爹, 他一定吃了爹爹的奶。”

母亲说:“不是!弟弟是吃的牛奶!”

智儿说:“但是,我看他并不像牛呀!”

Changing clothes

"I have changed five sets of clothes per day." Fashion model said to her children’s friend.

"That little amazing!" said the boy who is her children’s friend, "My sister has changed 12 set of clothes per day!”

"Your sister? How old is she?"

"3 months."

换装

“我在一天里竟换了5套服装。”时装模特儿对她的朋友们说。

“那没什么了不起!”一个朋友的男孩子说:“我的妹妹在一天时间

里竟换了12次。”

“你的妹妹?她多大了?”

“3个月。”

Cry is better than laugh

After watching the movie of “Laugh is better than Cry”,

Ping: Mummy, it should be Cry is better than laugh.

Mom: Why?

Ping: Coz when I cry, I can ask for everything.

哭比笑好

看完电影《笑比哭好》,苹苹对妈妈说:“妈,应该是哭比笑好。”

“为什么?”

“因为我一哭,什么东西都可以要到。”

Kids in school think quick

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TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria!

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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER : No, that’s wrong

GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE : I is…

TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”

MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry

tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father

didn’t punish him?”

LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

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TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as

your brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when

people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher.

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