Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Short Jokes

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.

The student: I walk. You walk ....

The teacher interrupted him: Quicker please.

The student: I run. You run ...

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?

God said to man --- So that you will love them.

Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?

God said to man --- So that they will love you.

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

The man: "God, may I have a penny?"

God: "Wait a minute."

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?

B: Still no idea.

Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?

A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)

Short Jokes

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.

B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

A: Why are you crying?

B: The elephant is dead.

A: Was he your pet?

B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"

TEACHER:" Of course not."

PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and

long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do

you understand me?

Son: No.

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.

Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have

the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.